Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
