does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
