Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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