I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize