It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
