he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
