That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
