I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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