She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Two words: blizzard sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
