At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
