what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
