This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
