I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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