DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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