Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
