hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
