Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
