Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
