Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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