I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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