I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
