Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
