Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
