I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
