if you like me you must not know who I am
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
