in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
