If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
