I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's shark week go big or go home
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
