i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
