Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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