I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
