So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
