8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
