I hate your face
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
