I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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