he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize