i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
