Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
