Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
