phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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