none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
