So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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