Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize