I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
