the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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