Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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