I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
