i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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