I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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