What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize