i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
