sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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