i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
