He asked to "fluff my boner.."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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