I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
