sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
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