Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
