I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
