OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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