Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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