Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
