Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
