He uses pillows to masturbate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
