Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize