Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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