I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
