Don't make out with my wife yet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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