JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize