cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
