Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
