In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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