Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
