Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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