Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
