The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
