You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
