I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
