So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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