What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The best revenge is premature balding
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
