Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
