I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Operation Purity has been aborted
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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